Rat to Lead Town

By Coma News Daily Staff

Coma made history this week when the town became the first jurisdiction with a rodent as an elected leader.

Image result for rat in clothes

According to Master Splinter, true wisdom comes from the wearing of monocles and the eating of fortune cookies.

Master Splinter, a rat and the “son” of Councilwoman Natalie Peters was appointed by the Town Council on Tuesday to hold a revolving “animal spirit” seat–reserved for a domesticated animal or wildlife–until an election can be held later this year.

“I would hope that a wise rodent with the richness of his experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male human who hasn’t lived that life,”¬†Peters said about Splinter.

The narrow 2-1 council vote to add the designated animal seat was supported by Coma Mayor Dave Anderson. Anderson led another historic initiative last week–while Peters was on vacation–to create the first legislative cheer squad, known as the Govern Girlz.

Image result for fantasy taxidermy

This fantasy bartender brought to you Jax Big O Moonshine.


“As Natalie has pointed out, dancing-age women are not the only members of our community that are¬† under-represented in this town’s legislative process,” Anderson said. “Natalie also hated the idea of cheering women and that’s how she convinced me that a rat initiative is the only thing that could counter it.”

The animal seat was opposed by Councilman Jax Owen, an avid hunter and collector of fantasy taxidermy creatures.

If the animal seat is retained, Owen said he planned to support the candidacy of Princess Buttercup, one of two “reading wolverines” that chewed through a steel cage and terrorized Coma Elementary School last year.

“I’m sure my fellow legislators would agree we need more female voices in this august body,” Owens said.

Despite the lingering political kerfuffle, the newest member of the Town Council was moving forward with his legislative agenda.

First up for Master Splinter, according to Peters, is a planned ordinance banning pet shaming, which is the practice of posting photos of misbehaving pets on social media.

“The real shame is that these images will follow around these poor creatures for the rest of their lives,” Peters said.

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