Queries & Quislings

The following is an advice dispensary provided as a community service by Davis Montgomery III, publisher of Coma News Daily.

Queries & Quislings

Dear Query Guy,

My wife and I have a son. We are in our mid 60s and hope to retire within the next couple years.

Our son is considering marrying his girlfriend of 8 years but he has motivational problems that prevent him from working more than part-time from home.

He has gotten financial support from his mother all his life and, in the last few years, he has been getting between $16,000 and $25,000 a year. It’s increasing every year.

She feels sorry for his motivational disability and doesn’t want him and his gf (she works, they have no kids) to have lower living standards than us.

donotopendoor

Subtle hints, like this sign posted on an adult child’s boarded up backyard treehouse/loft, rarely convinces them to move out on their own.

We pay for most of his medical expenses, new car, hydroponics hobby, annual wardrobe upgrades, and digital entertainment needs–among other expenses.

I can’t seem to stop my wife from giving away our money. I worry we will be broke, or dead, in 15 to 20 years.

How do you suggest I get through to my wife?

Signed,
Broke Back Dad

Dearest BBD,
Indolent offspring are one of the great challenges of modern fatherhood. But obviously the primary challenge under the scenario you outlined is overly indulgent maternal urges. Clearly, a gaping chasm exists where her self respect should be.

But your family is neither the first nor last to struggle under the yoke of rabid wastrels. So I will share the same advice that was once offered to me and that I’ve offered on every previous occasion I’ve encountered this situation:

Hit it with a hammer!

hit it with a hammer 1

You know what time it is, wastrels.

A hammer applied to your problems offers both a temporary sense of achievement in the face of insurmountable frustration, as well as a longterm method to prevent reoccurances.

In situations involving an adult child, some might ask ‘Why not just give him the hammer and let him do the hitting?’

Wrong! Such an approach is commonly taken by the foolhardy and incontinent–with predictably scatological results.

To avoid a excrement filled outcome make sure it is you and your hammer vigorously applying hits to this problem.

Additionally, avoid pushing your wife to hammer out a resolution. She clearly lacks either the required wrist strength or intestinal fortitude.

Good luck to you, BBD. And good hammering!

QG

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