By Thomas Steven John, Future Reporter
Coma residents will soon ask ‘”What the heck is a plebiscite?”
It’s the rarely used legislative tool that’s about to make history–and ban your car, your bike, anything you use to transport yourself from one place to another–Coma News has learned (in a peyote fueled fever dream).
The summer-long hiatus of the Town Council will lead one local activist to propose a popular vote next week to amend the town charter banning the use of any transport but horses in town during daylight hours.
The new sign will read: no motor vehicles, bikes, legs and feet or anything that transports other than a horse.
The first-of-its-kind vehicular ban was the brainchild of Davis Montgomery, publisher of Coma News.
“Since you’re ruining yet another surprise, you might as well extoll the virtues of the equestrian lifestyle over the cramped and stuffy confines of vehicles,” Montgomery said when asked about the initiative.
Montgomery plans to offer some of his 5,000 horses for lease once the ban is in effect.
The initiative will generate controversy among the subset of residents aware of the legally binding power of even a sparsely attended popular vote. Particularly strong objections will arise from avid bicyclists, every driver in town and people who enjoy walking.
“Where am I supposed to practice my rear wheel hops?” Chase Donovan, a local teen, said when told of the possible ban.
Local parents and daycare operators raised concerns that the vehicular ban would place particular burdens on them.
“Posh, in years past whole families would pile upon a single steed,” Montgomery said. “What’s more, at a single stroke we will resolve our childhood obesity and Type 2 Diabetes crises, as well as our fair town’s less-appreciated manure shortage.”
“Actually horse riding does little for childhood obesity.” said Dr. Jimmy, Coma town physician. “It can help the horse with an obesity issue.”
This horse has an obesity issue and will be helped by the ban.
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