Opinion: Why Can’t We Figure Out Doors?

By Stan Bargmeyer, lifelong Coma resident and intern for Coma News Daily

There’s a real epidemic going on in Coma and I can not, for the life of me, get a handle on it.

Many people seem unable to figure out handles, or specifically, how to properly use them.

They’re called handles, which implies that hands should be used to manipulate them. However, these days I see people use every part of their bodies but their hands to open doors around town.


And don’t even get me started on teenagers using their feet to kick doors open. They’re not called foot-les!

I’m not the only one who’s perplexed about our town’s misuse of handles.

Eric Murphy wrote me after my last column on handle-related concerns to note that if he has things in his hands he sometimes uses his rear end — “whether it’s a push or pull door.”

Well, I don’t even know where to start with that.

Maggie Goldman of Coma’s Tara neighborhood wrote me that sometimes she tries to open both double doors with a “scissor kick.”

To which I ask, ‘Are we people or are we ninjas?’

Maybe the answer lies in more of us getting the door for our fellow Comatons. If you see someone who needs a hand, help them out.

Maybe this way we’ll all get a “handle” on neighborliness, together.

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