Mystery Solved: How to Keep Breathing While Using the Internet

Editors’ note: The following excerpt of blog by a Coma resident is presented as a community service.

Marybell Davis, awesome blogger of awesome things

Daddy Warbucks: How’s the job search coming Marybell? Did you get the job as a tour guide at the Coma Landmine Museum?

Me: Daddy, I went there but it wasn’t nearly as fun as solving mysteries on the internet.

Sometimes bad things happen to good people while you are just sitting around watching Kim Kardashian on Twitter. And before you know it you are so upset about how a person you don’t know affects your life that you forget to breathe.

A lot of lists have come out recently on the internet about how to grieve for people you didn’t know directly .

But because breathing is pretty important I thought I should post a top five list of ways to keep breathing while using the Internet since grieving has been covered by multiple experts on the subject.

1) It’s okay to type and breathe. Typing is rough. It’s really rough. Don’t give up, though. Just keep breathing. And typing.

2) How do you keep breathing when you forget? It’s easy to forget to breathe while reading the Internet. It’s not your fault. How do you flip back and forth between Facebook and Twitter or your LinkedIn–where old wrinkled men email and ask to meet for interviews over lunch at a darkly lit Applebee’s?

nancy-drew-breathing-internetAnswer: Take it slow. Keep breathing. Just focus on the Internet.

3) Number 3 is I don’t even have five things to tell you. Five things just sound more list-y. JUST. KEEP. BREATHING.

Mostly, remember that tragedies happen on the Internet more often than they happen in real life. Like when you can’t figure out where you put your shoes and you need to tweet about it or when you can’t figure out what to do about how juicing diets make you go to the bathroom. ALL. THE. TIME.

And that solves the mystery of how to keep breathing while using the Internet for this Private Dick (gross).
Daddy Warbucks: Did you find a job Marybell?
Me: Not yet Daddy, but I may have just saved someone’s internet life.

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