Marlee Bumgartener Ruins Everyone’s Day

This future news was brought to you by T.S. John’s peyote fueled fever dream and does not reflect the views of Coma News Daily.

by Thomas Steven John



A change of routine for Marlee Bumgartener will produce a cascading serious of unfortunate results for residents throughout the twon this weekend.

Saturday’s fateful choice by Bumgartener, a Coma private detective, came to this reporter in sweat-soaked fever dream.

While ordering coffee this week, Bumgartener will decide to order a Boston cream donut instead of her usual apple strudel, which will completely throw off the day for many other townsfolk.

“We only make a certain amount of Boston Cream donuts per day and Dr. Jimmy usually gets the last one,” said Bob Smith-Smith, who will sell the confection to Bumgartener at his store, Bob’s Mart.

Later in the day, Dr. Jimmy will bowl an 88 during his afternoon league game at a Home for Those Guys, which will lead his team to lose badly.  A bowling alley waiter will feel the brunt of Dr. Jimmy’s anger after a verbal thrashing and 0% tip. The waiter will then go on to serve Mayor Dave Anderson the wrong meal, featuring peanuts to which he is allergic. The growing tip deficit for the week will leave the waiter unable to pay his bi-weekly car payments to Jax Owen who in turn will then miss his own boat payment.

A hastily called press conference Tuesday called by Anderson after this reporter’s queries on the impending doom, revealed the mayor does not believe any of the coming events will occur

“It’s mathematically impossible to predict minute details about a town’s day,” Anderson said.

Despite the Mayor’s doubts, an mob of angry townsfolk will believe the prediction, barricade Bumgartner’s house, and suggest that she take the week off.

“That sounds like something I would do, I don’t care much for change.” Stan Bargmeyer, supposed leader of the mob, said when asked about his future mob forming plans.


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