Luke Michaels to Triumph in Coma Dirt War

By Thomas Steven John, Coma News future beat reporter


Luke Michaels will win an unexpected victory in Dirt War Saturday, by uncontested acclimation.
Michaels’, 10, victory over his older brother Sean, 12, came to this reporter in a sweat-soaked fever dream.

The younger Michaels’ victory followed a day-long dirt clod-throwing battle at a residential construction site, known between the brothers as “The Hills.” Although Luke was generally on the run throughout the day, a desperation handful of dirt will momentarily blind Sean and elicit the universal surrender “you cheated, I’m going home.”

Although the boys’ mother declined interviews with them for this article she expressed relief “no one’s gonna lose an eye.”
“Usually its a victory for their dad and I when we’re able to pry those computer games out of their hands for half a second and get them to go outside,” she said. “But I guess, either way, there’s a price to be paid.”
The victory by the younger Michaels will be short-lived, however, as months of further fighting between the brothers in nearby streams, woods, and the neighborhood pool will follow the mysterious incapacitation of their families’ Xbox gaming system.
“That sounds awesome,” said Jimmy Cracker, 10, a sometimes ally of the younger Michaels, when told about a coming battle–featuring BB guns and M-80s taped to tennis balls–which the brothers will lead. “But I gotta go because I’m not supposed to talk to strangers. Especially ones who smell weird.”

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