Local Used Car Salesman “Better than that Crappy QB” Playing for Bears

By Coma News Staff

Local used car salesman and pee wee football coach, Jax Owen, admitted to friends this weekend that he was “so much better than that crappy QB” currently playing for the NFL’s Chicago Bears.

Owen, who played football at Coma High School from 1997 – 1999, made the bold statement in the first half of Sunday night’s game between the Chicago Bears and the Green Bay Packers in which the Bears fell behind 42 – 0.

According to friends, Owen, a life-long Bears fan, went in to a nearly 10-minute monologue about how he was better than current Bears quarterback Jay Cutler and, if given the chance, could help the Bears be a far more successful professional football team.

“Jax said that even though he’s never played quarterback at any level of competitive football during his lifetime.  If inserted into the Bears’ offense he would immediately improve the Chicago Bears.” Micah Horncraft, who was present during Owen’s rant, said.

Chicago Bears v San Francisco 49ers

Jax Owen claims he would be “at least ten times better than that piece of shit Cutler (above)” if given the chance to lead the Chicago Bears’ offense.


“Being a quaterback is not that hard,” Owen said. “I would just throw it up to Marshall or Jeffery every time ‘cause those guys can go make a play on the ball. I mean, come on.”

Owen said he played offensive line in high school and has played catch with friends as recently as this weekend. Owen added that with the big receivers playing in the NFL today, anybody could play quarterback as long as you don’t throw interceptions.

The Bears lost to the Packers 55 – 14. As of press time, Owen said he has not been contacted by the Bears organization but “they know where to find me.”

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