Like Mad Candy Yo
Editors’ note: Coma News does not endorse any of the activities in the following column and urges citizens to follow the law at all times.
Sometimes you can DIY a costume out of beer boxes, yo. Nothing wrong with a Beer Knight knock’in at your door with some 3-year-olds dressed as lady bugs.
Hey Peeps! It’s that time of year to get some! Candy! Don’t listen to the haters and stay true to yourself through these thug-o-licious steps to up your haul this Ha-ween.
Dress to Intimidate
Halloween is all about being in yo face scary. So why not pass da terrors on your way to extra candy? Pick your fav dictator and go crazy. No one’s gonna turn down that mad Russian Putin at their doorstep.
Threaten, Threaten, Threaten
If candy-having haters don’t step off and give up their load when you show up in yo get up, then blow em up. Keep a carton of eggs and TP handy–you can’t go wrong with the classics. They ain’t never gonna forget getting yoked by someone dressed like a Korean dictator.
Take by Force
Sometimes your bluff is gonna get called. That’s when it’s time to grab and go. Dressing up ninja-style should help you pull
Cute Em Up
A rugrat–related or borrowed–is another classic. Dress em up in an adorable costume (Disney Princess, insect, farm animal, bedsheet ghost) to maximize success. If you take an older shorty’s the can run a solid barter system.
The Waiting Game
Most convenience and grocery stores become a literal Candyland on November 1st. Its called a sale, playas! But leave the shorties at home because of their small hands and short legs will just slow you down.