Hello, my fellow Coma residents.
Forgive me for talking a little trash. Actually, it’s a lot of trash.
This weather has brought heavy rain.
And with the rain a large accumulation of trash has washed into my pond from the adjacent Rt. 109.
This happens every time there’s a storm. But this not just a plea to stop littering.
The many buckets of trash I have collected today have a fascinating composition. To the individual(s) who enjoy drinking Smirnoff Vodka, Becks Beer, Natty Light and eating McDonalds while cruising down Route 109, no one wants the crap you are throwing out the window.
I realize it may be hard to use a trash can when you have a room temperature IQ (and when you’re drunk).
How would I know that? Because I, too, was a high speed alcoholic, who took great pleasure in narrowly missing pets, school children and (of course) bicyclists.
I also was addicted to junk food, morbidly obese, and incapable of holding my grease-soaked bowels, which made my car basically uninhabitable.
But after a 12 step program, stomach stapling and winning the lottery I turned my life around so I could own and enjoy the wide variety of waterways surrounding our lovely town.
Your trash could ruin that all by tempting me back into my gin-soaked pig sty. For the love of God, if you can’t get help for yourselves, get it for me.
Sincerely,
Rupricht Simian
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