Jabba The Hutt Predicts Football Games Week 2
Last Week- 1 – 3
Season- 1 – 3
I’m Jabba The Hutt. You may know me best for my appearance in several Star Wars Movies films. But my friends know me as basically a chilled-out dude who enjoys spending a Sunday in the Fall watching football and eating chicken wings.
Last week was not kind to Jabba The Hutt. For the record, I’m totally cool with people just calling me “Jabba”. Adding “The Hutt” seems a big formal and even, dare I say, tedious? See? I really am just this totally chill, laid back dude.
So, it’s time for Jabba to get well this week. Here are your sure-fire picks of the week…
Kansas City Chiefs at Houston Texans
Both teams looked pretty good at times last week. I’m going with the home team in this one because I think the teams are evenly matched and if that’s the case, Jabba always goes with the home team.
HOUSTON 23 KANSAS CITY 21
Last Tuesday I had coffee with my friend Amanaman at this cozy, fun little coffee shop in the Modarian System. “What?!! Jabba The Hutt has coffee with friends at cozy, fun little coffee shops???!!!” Yes, he does. Because he is a low-key, down-to-earth kind of guy. Just a regular dude who is just as comfortable snapping towels in the locker room as he is sipping craft beers on a yacht. He’s not an ogre, douchebag.
New Orleans Saints at New York Giants
Two powerful offenses and two questionable defenses. Jabba smells high-scoring affair! Although, that could just be Hermi Odle I smell. Haha! Hoho! Jabba is kidding about that, but you know what I mean!
I think the Giants defense has improved and that will be enough to pull out the victory and go to 2 – 0.
NEW YORK 39 NEW ORLEANS 34
Have I ever told you guys about my on-going legal dispute with Pizza Hut? I may not have time to go into it completely here, but…let’s just say it’s getting ugly. For nearly 35 years I’ve been getting their mail and they have been getting mine. I make one simple request for them to change their name and they refuse! I even gave them some cool suggestions. Like, “Pizza Garage”, “Pizza Yurt”, “Pizza Industrial Complex” and many, many more. They are a bunch of assholes. But, I digress…
Dallas Cowboys at Washington Redskins
Both teams struggled last week. I think the rookie Elliott goes for big yards on the ground, but it won’t be enough to beat an underwhelming, yet talented, Washington squad looking to make amends for their Monday night performance.
WASHINGTON 20 DALLAS 16
Of course Pizza Hut said I should have to change MY name! My LEGAL name. I was born with that name. They made their name up to sell a few pizzas. And technically, they aren’t even a hut. Most of their franchises are in strip malls or small, modular buildings. Have these motherfuckers ever seen a hut? How about “Pizza Small, Non-Descript Building”? At least that’s more accurate.
Anyways, I have to go to court next week because we’re filing a new injunction. “Oh, wait a second! Jabba The Hutt knows big fancy legal words like ‘injunction’?” Yes he does! Like why would that even be a surprise? I’ve got my shit together. Jabba The Hutt is a cool, laid-back dude that has his shit together. Alright, my last pick for the week…
Green Bay Packers at Minnesota Vikings
Both teams survived close games against less-talented AFC South teams on the road last week. Vikings got a lot of help from their defense. Aaron Rodgers doesn’t make a lot of mistakes. Close game will come down to final play, but I like the road team in this one.
GREEN BAY 27 MINNESOTA 24