It’s not every day that we see greatness, and even more rare to see super-greatness.
That’s why I’m super excited to let everyone in town know that Coma may soon get on the map as the home of the first canine with super powers.
How do I know my dog, Ralph Wiggum, is a super hero? Well, you try eating your own brown dragons and surviving. That’s right, I saw my dog eat his own freshly produced tushy tots a few days ago and he has shown no signs of illness or disease since then.
I had previously seen him eat food off the floor and obviously his food bowl isn’t all that clean but smelly pebbles? Ralph, you just took it to a whole new level. And afterwards he was looking around for more!
Boom!
How did Ralph get this super power? I have no idea. There haven’t been any asteroid strikes or radiation leaks around us that I am aware of. But anything is possible.
And before you say “A super power to survive (and enjoy?) eating butt truffles is not much of a super power” it’s more useful than you might think. Like, what are the chances he starves to death if his food supply is cut off? Obviously, way lower. And how intimidated would a bad guy be if they saw him non-chalantly chowing down on a turd-pedo? Terrified, I’m pretty sure.
And yes, his super power, like those of so many other heroes, comes with a terrible price. For one thing, I’m not going to let him lick my mouth, anymore.
But that seems like a price he’s willing to pay because he’s shown no sign of slowing down in the use of his super power.
And I don’t know about the rest of you but I feel a lot safer knowing there’s a superdog in this town.
Shane Donovan is a junior at Coma High School and junior intern for Coma News Daily.
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