Human Joins The Animal Race

Jul. 05 News no comments

Watch out Coma animals, there’s some new competition in town.

Coma resident and former Councilman Bob Smith-Smith over the holiday weekend announced he will run for the legislative body’s animal representative seat. The animal representative seat was created in the spring and is provisionally occupied by Master Splinter, a rat and the “son” of Councilwoman Natalie Peters, until the first election for the seat is held in November.

The Band (or Coma Town Council), pictured here in the 60s, is using the new music to help the younger generations understand how wonderful they were and are. Bob Smith-Smith (middle) was ‘talkin about his generation’ in song regardless of whether or not people wanted to listen.

Smith-Smith, who launched his bid on the Fourth of July, directly addressed whether a human could hold the animal representative seat.

“I ask my fellow Coma residents to declare independence from the notion that humans are anything more than animals–although animals that don’t eat their own bodily waste or each other,” Smith-Smith said.

Smith-Smith joined an already crowded race for the animal seat. Both Master Splinter and Princess Buttercup, a three-year-old Eurasian wolverine, owned by Town Councilman Jax Owen, already are competing for it.

Princess Buttercup was previously known as one of two “reading wolverines” that chewed through steel cages and terrorized Coma Elementary School last year. “People give these Wolverines a bad name. They are super sweet and highly intelligent political animals who can really change the course of policy if you own strong tranquilizers and a taser.” said Owen.

Although neither animal’s campaign responded directly to Smith-Smith’s entry into the race, the rodent candidate tweeted the latest in a series of increasingly incendiary comments.