How to Anything: Build your own Bear Plane
by Coma News Intern Stan Bargmeyer
President Woodrow Wilson once famously said, “the man who successfully trains bears to serve as aircraft will be a rich man indeed.” Since Wilson said those words, no one has figured out how to create the first commercial airline utilizing bears.
Until now. Follow the simple steps below to create your own bear plane and prepare to reap the financial rewards.
You will need to assemble the following items:
1. A bear (obviously)
2. Suit of armor
3. Thompson machine gun
4. Bit-o-Honey candy
The next step is likely the most challenging. You must train your bear to accept both a heavy set of airplane wings AND passengers. This training will take time. This is the part that will require the suit of armor and the machine gun. The Bit-of-Honey is a reward for your bear during the training process. All bears love honey.
Next you will want to somehow attach the airplane wings to your bear. BE CAREFUL!
You’re all set! You can now earn hundreds of dollars from consumers eager for an alternative to standard airline transportation. Good luck!