By Coma Resident and Business Owner, Jax Owen
It’s Valentine’s Day again. You should spend it with me, Jax Owen. Yes, THAT Jax Owen. I own and operate the used car lot in town.
We could have fun hanging out at my place. You could bring over some groceries and make me supper. What’s that baby? You’ve been on your feet all day? No worries, I have some Therafit Women’s Slip-On casual shoes (size 7) for you to wear. It’ll be like walking on clouds while you work in the kitchen.
You’re welcome baby. I’m here for you. I will literally be in the next room watching season two of Ice Road Truckers the entire time.
ABOVE: Jax Owen wants to spoil a girl this Valentine’s Day
Once supper is ready, you can set out the TV trays. The good TV trays. The Winsome 5 Piece Set from Hayneedle.com. This is a special night after all. This is our night. And our night is all about you, buttercup.
After supper you can clean the kitchen and get after those dirty dishes. What did you say baby? You’re worried about your hands chaffing from all that dirty dish water?
Don’t worry, Ladybug. Jax has you covered. Slip on a pair of the Playtex Living Premium Protection Cleaning Gloves I picked up for you. It will be like you’re washing the dishes with clouds on your hands.
This night is all about you. You are my girl tonight. Maybe not last night and probably not tomorrow night. But tonight, you’re mine. And I’m going to spoil the hell out of you.
Baby, I’ve been so good to you. But Jax needs a little favor. Could you bring me two more Keystone beers for me and my brother Randy? We’re just sitting here on the couch, watching Ice Road Truckers and drinking some Keystone. But I’m here for YOU. I just don’t want to get up right now because I just ate dinner and the show is getting really good.
I’m sorry for not telling you Randy was coming over. It was kind of a last-minute thing. But he’s been feeling down because both his dogs have worms and he’s been spending a shit-ton of cash on worm medicine. But he really enjoyed the dinner you made. He said you were a “good” cook.
Hey girl. Looks like you’re done with those dishes. You’re so sexy when you look exhausted. But now it’s my turn to spoil you.
Let’s escape to my bedroom during the next commercial break. And don’t worry. I told Randy to turn up the volume on the TV real loud. He won’t be able to hear a thing. Now, turn around.
Oh baby. That was so much fun. And we didn’t even miss any of the show.
It’s getting late though. Remember I told you I have that thing tomorrow morning? I have to be up real early. I think Randy and I are just going to finish up this Ice Road Trucker marathon and then hit the sack.
But don’t you worry. Jax didn’t forget about you. You know that box of original-flavor Slim Jim meat sticks on the counter in the kitchen? I want you to grab a handful on your way out. Take as many as you like. I mean, don’t take the whole box. But, a half dozen or so would be cool. I buy them in bulk.
I like you girl. I’m so happy you chose to spend your Valentine’s Day with Jax Owen. I enjoyed doing romance on you. And I enjoyed the love making too. Happy Valentine’s Day girl.
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