Editorial: Let the Children Farm with Me

Editorial — Davis Montgomery, publisher of Coma News and avid horse enthusiast speaks to the future of farming. This editorial was brought to you by “Jax Used Cars”. It’s mule season. Bring in your mule carcass for $50 off your next car purchase.

Last years child farm experience was so successful Davis will again offer all Coma children the chance to farm for just $500 per week.

What’s that I smell? Fresh air? No, it’s farm air.

People ask me all the time, “Davis, what makes your children so happy?” I always say two things. First, I don’t under any circumstances take care of them. Second, we live on a farm.

How does that keep them happy?
Don Johnson Michaels is editor of Coma News Daily and works on my farm for free on the weekend as part of his compensation package at the newspaper.

Don Johnson Michaels missing editor of Coma News Daily and worked on my farm for free on the weekend as part of his compensation package at the newspaper. That’s how he stole one of my horses and rode away from Coma.

Well, when you don’t see your children except on rare occasions and for fifteen minutes during holidays you really see them at their best.

Some people say, “My children poop everywhere. They write on walls. They throw up. They are failing school.”

I don’t bother with such trivialities, as those matters fall within the purview of my chief maid and chief nanny.

Children love goats. Why not let them take care of one for $500 a week this summer?

Children love goats. Why not let them take care of one for $500 a week this summer?

My role is to send the children out to work the farm. No money changes hands, of course, but I do keep a chart over the years to track the ratio of the resources they use versus how much work they do on the farm.

For a small fee your children can join mine in working this multimillion agribusiness that some call a farm.

Why pay me?

First, it’s a chance for your child to be outside. To see chicks and geese born. To milk a cow. To gut a pig.  Secondly, it’s a chance to support your local agri-business. Third, it will be an amazing time.

Children love dirt. Why not teach them to raise vegetables I can sell for just $500 a week this summer?

Children love dirt. Why not teach them to raise vegetables I can sell for just $500 a week this summer?

For just $500 dollars a week they will learn the simple  joys that come from both interacting with nature and helping to crush any nascent unionization efforts.

So this summer, do the right thing–for the love of your children.

Davis Montgomery is publisher of Coma News

 

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