Controversial ‘Talk-Surgery’ Declared a Success

stan and his dog

By Coma News Staff

The first successful use of “talk-surgery” was recently reported in Coma.

The controversial phone-based eye surgery was a “resounding success” for Freckles, the pet of Stan Bargmeyer, Coma resident and widower. The procedure, which Bargmeyer learned about through an unsolicited email from a Kenyan stranger, cost nearly $6,000. But it was money well spent.

“You can’t put a price tag on something like x-ray vision,” Bargmeyer said.

Dr. Leonard Lee, who performed the procedure, wrote only pets could obtain x-ray vision from it.

“I didn’t even have to leave my house and there was no anesthesia involved,” Bargmeyer said. “I wired Dr. Lee the $6,000 and scheduled the over-the-phone procedure at my convenience.  Simplest thing ever.”

The procedure, which entailed holding the phone to Freckles’ ear and eye, took less than 40 minutes and appeared not to harm him, Bargmeyer said. The patient spent most of the procedure licking his crotch.

“There’s no noticeable difference in his demeanor or behavior but he seems happier,” Bargmeyer said. “How could he not be, with x-ray vision?”

Efforts to contact Lee elicited an aggresive viral spam attack.

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