By Coma News Daily Staff
The Fourth Annual Coma Critics Celebration Prize Occasion (C3PO) rolled out Sunday night with all of the pomp and circumstance—and none of the slander or violence—that one would expect from the town’s premier awards show.
C3PO, created by community theater director Shane Darvish to honor the work of local critics, was blissfully free of the violence and mayhem that has marred previous gatherings of the town’s finest.
Robert McGuiness took home the evening’s top honors: the trash disposal/media/news critic’s award.
In presenting his “comie,” Darvish hailed McGuiness’ cultural contribution of bringing a bit of European sophistication to Coma.
“It’s all shite,” an apparently intoxicated McGuiness said to huge applause.
This is the Statue of Liberty. This was one of the first “awarded” statues before awards season existed to award amazing awards.
The largely incident-free nature of this year’s show, which was simulcast on Coma Community Access TV, was credited to the absence of the leading critic of the awards show, Don Johnson Michaels. Michaels is the missing and presumed dead editor of Coma News Daily. Michaels’ repeated incoherent outbursts in the middle of last year’s C3PO precipitated an audience free-for-all during the distribution of lifetime achievement cream pies.
“We do miss having a critic critiquing the event,” Darvish said. “I blame his loss and opening up the awards voting to the general public for deeply tainting this event.” In the three previous C3Pos, all nominees and winners were selected solely by Darvish and his two cats. In the past all the selections were people who were known critics, however, this year most of the awards went to people who aren’t critical or even critical thinkers.
A step up from a critics award would be the hot dog eating award. This award will be given out at the County Fair this year along with the award for the “Best Carnie with a Beard”.
Other award recipients included Marybell Davis, who won for biggest private detective pundit; Dee Collins, for leading homemade baseball card connoisseur; and Micah Horncraft, winner in the ham radio criticism category.
Mayor Dave Anderson won recognition as the biggest gadfly of local government, apparently as the result of voters’ ongoing confusion between the opposing roles of critics and advocates.
“While there is little chance that we will go back to limiting voting to members of my immediate family, hopefully in the future we can restrict ballots to the town’s best, brightest and most susceptible to promotional campaigns,” Darvish said.
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