By Coma News Daily Staff
Coma Mayor Dave Anderson announced this week his life-long pursuit of participating in the Summer Olympics was over after learning that darts was not an Olympic sport.
“I went to the website to register for Olympics and that’s when I realized there were no dart events,” Anderson said.
When asked why he didn’t check to see if darts was an Olympic sport before going through years of training, Anderson replied, “It never occurred to me that darts aren’t a sport. Have you been to Bear’s Biker Bar during dollar-drink Happy Hour?”
Anderson told Coma News that he has been training relentlessly to compete on the world’s largest competitive stage for nearly three decades. In 1990, he dropped out of community college to focus solely on improving his dart skills with an eye on the 2016 Summer Olympics.
“My commitment to the sport of darts has cost me countless jobs, friends, a career as a stand up comedian, some family members, and really any social life whatsoever,” he said. “I thought for sure darts was on the Olympics. I mean, why wouldn’t it be?”
Those closest to Anderson said the 46-year-old has been talking about his Olympic dream incessantly in recent years, telling anyone who’d listen that he was an Olympic-level athlete and asking people if they wanted any souvenirs from Rio, the host city for the 2016 games.
“I honestly assumed it was some alternate-style Olympic Games he was talking about,” a close acquaintance who wished to remain anonymous told reporters. “Like, bar or tavern-style Olympic Games with pool, darts, shuffleboard, pull tabs. That kind of thing.”
Anderson said that while he admits he probably should have confirmed dart’s inclusion in the summer Olympics, he assumed that all “kick-ass sports” were already part of the world’s largest sporting event.
“I’m devastated but I’m going to move on,” Anderson said. “I’m going to shift my focus now on qualifying for the Winter Games in snow-shoeing and might find time to focus on being the mayor of Coma.”
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