Coma weekly police blotter:
Monday: CATS Attack: Man in a car with California License plates was detained after running his car into the local community theater during a rousing version of the Broadway Show CATS. After running his car through the plate glass he jumped out and was naked. He cried the word “FREEDOM” and ran up and french kissed one of the actors in the show whose name has been redacted for privacy issues. The Man was detained by Deputy Paul and will be arraigned once his pants are found and his name is ascertained. The CATS refused to press charges for artistic reasons and left the area.
Tuesday: Trespassing Deputy Paul responded to a report of a man stopping at mailboxes and found out that it was in fact Steve Simmons, Coma Postmaster, who was still walking his route even though Coma’s ban on paper has left him without a job.
Wednesday: Dog Attack – Deputy Paul responded to a report of two dogs running loose and attacking squirrels at about 4:20 Wednesday afternoon. Deputy Paul cited Coma resident Dr. Jimmy for the incident. The squirrels refused medical treatment and left the area according to police reports.
Computer Theft; A resident of Coma called 911 to report a computer theft. The woman claimed to the police deputy that all of the hardware in her computer had been taken and replaced with non working parts. There are no leads at this time.