Category: Classified

Classified: Used Microwave for Sale- Does Not Work

old microwave for sale portable camping

Selling my used microwave.  It’s pretty old and technically it does not work anymore.  However, if you are only trying to heat something up to room temperature, like corn on the cob, just throw it in this microwave and in a couple of hours, you’ll be good to go.

Would be a great portable, room-temperature microwave for camping trips!  Hurry though cause this is going to be a HOT item! (not literally. Again, the microwave doesn’t actually work)

Contact Derrick.  I prefer cash (NO PERSONAL CHECKS).  Would consider trade.  Make me an offer.

townofcoma@hotmail.com

Free Puppy to the Right Home

classified chihuahua

I am giving away my Chihuahua puppy to the right home.  He has all his shots but he’s an asshole.  I can’t prove it but I think he shit in a pair of my shoes last week.  I know it wasn’t me and am pretty certain it wasn’t my girlfriend.  Unless my goldfish can climb out of their fish bowls and leave turds ten times larger than their bodies, the puppy is the most likely culprit (he refuses to admit to it).

Anyhow, it’s kind of an asshole thing to do to shit in somebody’s shoe so I don’t think he is the dog for me.  Note to potential owner: this dog seems to be judging me when I’m doing the love-making with my girlfriend (like he could do any better!).

Contact Roger if you’re interested.

townofcoma@hotmail.com

 

Blow For Sale

Blow For Sale (hint: it’s a type of powder you sniff, wink wink)

My buyer fell through and I’m looking to off-load some high-quality white powder.  I don’t want to be too specific in a public forum like this, but hopefully you get the idea of what I’m talking about.  It’s a white, finely-cut powder that you sniff in your nose and it makes you really, really high.  That is going to have to suffice.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you probably aren’t someone who would be interested in buying it!  Ha ha ha ha!  Think about it!  I’ve got about two kilos.  Hit me up because this shit is going to move quickly.  NO POLICE!  Contact Steve at steve.phillips420@outlook.com.

 

LOST & FOUND- Gay Porn Collection

Lost- Large collection of gay porn.  It’s not mine.  It belongs to a friend of mine.  Seriiously.  I’m just helping him out by purchasing this lost and found ad in the classified section.  This rather extensive collection includes more than 200 feature-length titles including “Bone Yard” and “Bone Yard II: More Bones For The Bone Yard”.  The DVDs were last seen in my basement closet about a week ago.  Again, NOT MINE!  I let my friend stash them here.  If found, please contact Matt at m2mlove@hotmail.com.  Reward for return!  Not from me but for my friend.

 

Baby Wolverine for Sale

baby wolverine

For Sale: Baby Wolverine- Have a litter of baby wolverines for sale.  Great pets as long as you keep them in a secure, fenced location and never go near them.  This one is six-weeks old and has razor-sharp teeth and claws.  This fun, furry animals is a great addition to any family as long as you have no desire to actually pet on it or wish to gain any sort of emotional warmth through the joy of being a pet owner.  All shots are current!  He is house broken but again, you should not consider ever bringing this animal anywhere near your home or your children or any confined space whatsoever.  They don’t like to feel trapped.  We have names him “Mr. Tickles” but you can change his name if you want.  Contact Joan if you are interested.

PS- This animal will maul your face off if given the chance!

AKC Terrier for Sale

classified sammy hagar dog

AKC Terrier for Sale- FSBO.  Dog looks just like Sammy Hagar and I can’t take it anymore.  Never was a big fan of his work, even his Van Halen stuff.  Every time i look at this dog I get the song “I Can’t Drive 55″ stuck in my head.  The dog does not act like Sammy Hagar and he cannot sing or anything but he looks like he could be Hagar’s twin brother or something.  Don’t believe me?  Google “Sammy Hagar” and then look at the photo of my dog above.  It’s eerie.  Willing to consider a trade if you have a pet that looks like a cooler celebrity like Britney Spears or Lebron James. Contact Thomas if you’re interested.

Getting a new puppy. Looking to sell my grandchildren.

We just found out that we will be able to get the Goldendoodle mix we’ve been waiting for for two years. The puppies were just born so we have five weeks to offload our grandchildren. One is a boy. He’s trained to use the toilet and rarely makes a mess unless inebriated. He’s 19 and of breeding age. He has a nice disposition but no actual job skills. The second is a female. She can ride a bike and lift weights. Again we’ve had trouble with job training. She’s currently 22 and can stay on your healthcare plan until she is 26. Please email me if interested. They both will do dishes if you bribe them with money. Let me know if you are interested. The can come as a package or be split up.

Email me: Sady Cracker sadycracker@gmail.com