Category: Classified

Buy My Screenplay ‘Moneyball II: Battle For The Universe’

money ball space front page

 

This advertorial does not necessarily reflect the views of Coma News Daily.

ADVERTORIAL

My Amazing Screenplay

I’m Dee Collins and all I do is sit around and pump out the most amazing screenplays of all time and then try to sell them through traditional classified advertising methods.  Read my ad below and contact me to buy my screenplay!

I recently completed a screenplay titled ‘Moneyball II: Battle For The Universe’ and it’s a sequel to the sci-fi hit, ‘Moneyball’.  Brad Pitt and that other guy return in this action-packed, sure-fire box office hit.

Below is a short synopsis.  If you like it and would like to buy it, please let me know.

If you act now, I’ll also throw in a set of extremely rare, hand-made baseball cards featuring some of the games best players like that player from Baltimore and that guy who plays for the Toronto Blue Jays.

SYNOPSIS

In the not-so-distant future, former Oakland Athletics General Manager, and part-time astronaut, Brad Pitt and his trusty sidekick, INSERT NAME, are sent into space to find a cure for cancer and discover rich minerals on far-off planets.  But little do they know there is a war going on that threatens to destroy the entire universe.  Our heroes must act fast to stop a ruthless and power-hungry alien race before it’s too late.  

The perfect film for people that are interested in disease research, mining, space, baseball, aliens and fun!

Here’s a sample scene:

EXT. DISTANT PLANET- DAY

Brad Pitt and his Co-Star are standing in the middle of a rocky, craggily desert on some planet in the middle of space. Brad is bent over picking up rocks.  His Co-Star is doing the same thing.  They’re just picking up rocks, looking at them and then tossing them aside.  On the horizon, we can see three suns setting.  It looks really cool.

                              BRAD PITT

Did you find a cure for cancer under any of those rocks?

                              CO-STAR

Nope.  But I haven’t checked all of them yet.

                              BRAD PITT

Well keep looking.

                              CO-STAR

Okay.

The two men keep picking up rocks and looking at them.  In the distance, we see a creepy, scary-looking alien holding a slick little semi-automatic handgun approaching.  Our heroes don’t notice.  They are too busy looking at the rocks.

                              BRAD PITT

What about rare minerals?  Did you find any rare minerals yet?

                              CO-STAR

Not yet.  I’m still looking for a cure for cancer.  Should I be looking for both at the same time?

                              BRAD PITT

I think so.

                              CO-STAR

Okay, but that’s going to take twice as long now.

                              BRAD PITT

Okay.

The alien gets closer and closer until…

That’s all you get for now!  Want to read the whole thing?  Hit me up on electronic mail.

Dee Collins

townofcoma@hotmail.com

money ball in space

Classified: Want to Sell My Horse Bones in a Burlap Sack OBO

horse bones

Got a burlap sack with some old horse bones.  Will trade for whatever you have.  Maybe you have some pepper gum or rocks.

The burlap sack is strong.  Hasn’t been used for dragging heavy things around on the ground.  I take care of my burlap supplies.  The horse bones weren’t mine but I found them under ground when I was doing some digging a few years ago.  I had an empty burlap sack so I thought I’d throw the horse bones in it and that’s how it happened.

I would sell them for money if you want.  Or we can trade for them.  They’re in good shape.

Real fine horse bones.

Contact Lil’ Pete and we can work something out.

townofcoma@hotmail.com

Community Events: Octopush Training

Do you like being underwater?

Do you like hockey?

Coma Aquatic Center is sponsoring an Octopush Training.

Octopush is a name someone made up for underwater hockey.

In this sport two teams of six try to push a puck using a stick into the opposing team’s goal (underwater). Although this sport is played around the world, it has not gained a major following.

Let’s start an Octopush fire except underwater and not in a forest!

You do not need to know how to swim, breath underwater or understand Hockey to play this sport. Join us this weekend.

Free beer and brats afterward (no eating before swimming) sponsored by Jax Used Cars!

Time: 4:46pm

Date: Saturday May, 17th

Place: Coma Aquatic Center

Who: Anyone who owns a bathing suit. No tailgating prior to the event.

What: You do not need to swim or like hockey!

 

Octopush is underwater but you don't need to know how to swim!

Octopush is underwater but you don’t need to know how to swim!

Are You Illiterate?

illiteracy

This advertorial does not necessarily reflect the views of Coma News Daily

Are you one of millions of Americans who cannot read or write?  Do you struggle in school or at work because you cannot read?

You’re not alone.  But you don’t have to let illiteracy stand in your way to a successful life and career.

At Parker Academic Institute we help thousands learn to read and write every year.  You can be our next success story.

If you are reading this you are ready for help!

Write to us to request a free 283-page book on how you can overcome illiteracy.

Our Literacy Success Guide is filled with hundreds of pages of important and helpful information that will be your road map to learning.

What are you waiting for? Contact Parker Academy today and say goodbye to illiteracy forever!

townofcoma@hotmail.com

 

Coma Weekly FREECYCLE Digest

Freecycling is when a person passes on, for free, an unwanted item to another person who needs that item. From silverware to mobile homes, people worldwide are choosing to freecycle rather than discard.

 

 

 

[FreecycleComa] WANTED – a school project due tomorrow!‏

My son has a theater project due tomorrow and it’s way out of his league. Problem is, no one else seems willing to build dollhouse furniture for unrelated kids for free. We’ve looked everywhere and asked everyone and the only people we can even find someone with the skills is college theater students who charge way more than we can afford. If you have any school projects lying around (does not need to be anything like dollhouse furniture) and you are not using it then we’d really like to borrow it. Would need to pick up today since his dollhouse project is due tomorrow. If you want it returned we could do that!
email Bob Smith-Smith townofcoma@gmail.com
dollhouseimage

[FreecycleComa] Taken: Set of foreign travelers

These foreigners have been taken. Thanks for quick curbside pick up.
Marlee Bumgartener

 

 

Classified: Siamese Cat for Sale

Cute Siamese cat wallpapers 1024x1024 (11)

Selling my two-year old Siamese cat.  Nothing physically wrong with him.  I think he goes through my shit when I’m not home.  I find things moved or put in the wrong drawers sometimes.

Pretty sure he sold my Xbox gaming system on eBay last month.  I don’t think I can trust him anymore.  Like I said, he’s healthy as shit and is still pretty young.  You won’t find a better cat unless you don’t like your cat going through your shit and selling your stuff on eBay.  I also think he uses my razor.

Contact Dave Anderson if interested.

townofcoma@hotmail.com

Coma Weekly FREECYCLE Digest

Freecycling is when a person passes on, for free, an unwanted item to another person who needs that item. From silverware to mobile homes, people worldwide are choosing to freecycle rather than discard.

 

 

 

 

[Freecycle Coma] offer: two petite lady outfits

Received from another freecycler, this aqua pantsuit will fit if your waistline is less than 24. The pantsuit is for a true petite size 2, no larger than 32 bust size. Please pick up both and freecycle if you do not want one. Thanks, porch pick up in my backyard trashcan please give 3 hour frame window for pick up.

Dr. Jimmy townofcoma@gmail.com

[Freecycle Coma] OFFER: Ladies’ Workout System

Looks like a lot of ladies are getting in shape for the summer. Here’s a padded exercise mat that rolls up for easy storage. Plus three exercise videos in VHS tape format. Oh, you no longer have a VHS player, you say? I’ll include it in your package, together with an old-style TV that only plays VHS tapes. Set it up in your guest room and you won’t even be tempted to watch TV shows. Get pumping, ladies!
If interested, please respond with mobile phone number, even if you have contacted me before. I do not keep respondents’ phone numbers on file nor do I want to go hunting through old emails. If you are hot maybe more than a freecycle exchange?
contact: Don Johnson Michaels   townofcoma@gmail.com
Some VHS excersize videos. Let's get sexy ladies.

Some VHS excersize videos. Let’s get sexy, ladies.

For Sale: Used Corgi

Classified Ad Corgi

Selling my 2012 Corgi (it’s a dog). Nothing wrong with him except I was told he was a really smart dog and that is total bullshit! He can’t even do simple math problems and does not speak any language that is useful for practical applications. This is NOT a smart dog.  He licks his own ass and cannot follow simple commands like “turn off the lights in the living room when you come to bed.”

I have been told by many he is cute and cuddly. If that’s your thing, this may be the dog for you.

Contact Jax Used Cars if you’re interested.

townofcoma@hotmail.com