Buzzards Fall to Tears

By Coma News Staff
The Coma Junior Turkey Buzzards wrestling team lost their third straight meet Saturday amid an outbreak of tears.
Most of Coma’s 5- to 7-year-old wrestlers broke down into tears before, during and after each match, which left them too incapacitated to put up much of a fight, despite coachs’ screaming instructions from three feet away.

Several Coma wrestlers literally fought their way through the crying jags and poured tears onto the faces of their pinned apponents.
“There was a sad lack of double-A takedowns out there today,” said Jax Owen, a T-buzz coach. “We may need to start juicing–by which I mean drinking more juice.”
Most of the members of the visiting Barnesville Buccaneers appeared unfazed by the stress of the competition as they gathered around game pads between matches. However, several matches were called by referees based on stalling penalties as many Barnesville players failed to engage their sobbing opponents.

This wrestler won his match but still cried.

This wrestler won his match but still cried.

“I haven’t seen that many thousand-yard stares since back in ‘Nam,” said Bob Smith-Smith, owner of Bob’s Mart, whose son and also his grandson are on the team.
Despite another team loss, some parents chalked up some personal victories.
“We’ll take the tears over Jimmy’s usual technique of flapping his hands like a humming bird while running away from the other kid,” Sadie Cracker said about her five-year-old.

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