Robert McGuiness Wins Coma’s First Annual ‘Justified’ Poetry Contest

By Coma News Staff
Local potty mouth, Robert McGuiness, won Coma’s first annual ‘Justified’ poetry contest.
“What better way to support the real American heroes of ‘Justified’ than a poetry contest?” said Mayor Anderson.
The competition included 730 haikus from McGuiness, who is one of three cable television viewers in the Town of Coma.
“I haven’t watched this particular show but that Timothy Olyphant was amazing in Deadwood. I only watch HBO,” said Mayor Anderson. “So I think Tim Oly, hopefully I can call him that, deserves the chance to have some poetry written about him.”
The poetry contest was sponsored by Comcast, underwritten by HBO, and backed by FX and TNT.
“I’m really glad I submitted the maximum number of entries,” McGuiness said. “I think the quality rose substantially as I got more drunk.”

 

The winning poem, reprinted below, will be read by Bob Smith-Smith, town council member, tonight at the Town Council meeting along with the other 729 entries McGuiness submitted to the contest.
Justified Pants (a fuckin’ Haiku)
Rayland your jeans fit
Boyds rolled jeans are criminal
limited cowboy
“The town is excited for Bob.” said Mayor Anderson. “Hopefully the town can learn more about cable TV through his poetry.”
Marlee Bumgartner, shut in and political activist, was the only other poetry contest entrant. She declined to┬ácomment citing her ongoing mourning for the loss of ‘Breaking Bad.’

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