by Thomas Steven John, future news reporter
Both clear skies and explosions are in the forecast this weekend for the Coma Harvest Festival.
Genetically modified pumpkins and squash will explode during the awards ceremony for largest gourd and shower the audience in guts and seeds, a peyote-fueled fever dream revealed to this reporter. No injuries will occur but some farmers’ egos will be squashed.
“Plant steroids have never nor will they ever produce an explosion,” Bob Smith-Smith, whose pumpkin will win and then explode, said when told of the coming combustion. “You anti-science, fear mongers need to join us in the twenty-first century.”
Despite the destructive Sunday afternoon, this year’s harvest will be the most successful one yet with the cornucopia exhibition being the biggest in years.
“I guess it’s fine that I only win a participation ribbon, “ Natalie Peters said when told of the imminent award results and explosion. “I’ll just be glad to get that smelly table decoration out of my house.”
After Coma News inquired about the coming gourd-related explosions, festival organizers ordered extra tarps and towels but also suggest Coma residents bring their own umbrellas and raincoats.
“Kids always enjoy things blowing up and it’ll give us an excuse to paint the gazebo.” Mayor Dave Anderson said. “I’m honestly more concerned about losing kids in the corn maze again this year.”
Last year’s corn maze was inspired by an ancient Greek myth of Odysseus and took 15 hours before anyone was able to find the exit. The fire department was eventually called to cut a path for 3 children to escape, no one was injured.
The 16th annual Coma Harvest Festival will be this Saturday and Sunday from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m and will stay open later for anyone lost in the corn maze.
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