By Coma News Staff
Ready to put a curse on diabetes?
If so, Coma residents should get lost in the town’s newest walking park: Blair Witch Park. The pedestrian park, which is designed to echo the woods-based themes of the popular horror movie, has one mike of overlapping walking trails on a one-acre wooded lot.
“It’s time to get this town of Teletubbies moving.” said Mayor Anderson. “And by moving I mean running and or walking in circles around the town because someone can’t read a map.”
If the scary movie theme and asphalt walkways are not enough to get your heart racing then follow a trail to a Starbucks store, seven of which will surround the park.
“They say all roads lead to Starbucks, so why not, you know?” Anderson said. “Make sure you note I’m not being paid by Starbucks–although they are enlightened corporate citizens.”
Natalie Peters, Town Council member and avid tambourine player, applauded Anderson’s “vision” of a park “On further explanation I saw the mayor’s vision,” where instead of getting lost in the woods and getting scared, people can obtain high quality coffee.
Not all residents were as excited about the park.
Sadie Cracker, a resident and independent coffee shop owner, was concerned that the new Starbucks stores could overwhelm coffee demand in a town that already has four coffee shops.
“How about we surround the park with ice cream store–like an effort/reward thing?” Cracker said.
The mayor disagreed and in his initial proposal for the park stated that the attraction of Internet “hordes” who “believe the Blair Witch is Real” will fuel unprecedented coffee shop demand and possibly some movie theaters that specialize in foreign films.
Bear’s Biker Bar owner Bear Odum is excited about the prospect, “Once tourists have walked in circles for days and had unlimited espresso they will be able to spend hours drinking alcohol and enjoying the sub par bar music and food.”