By Jonny Reynolds, emerging content reporter, does not have a social phobia disorder
Twitter is abuzz over the Coma Town Council’s decision to add a Cheer Squad.
The latest effort by Coma Mayor Dave Anderson to spark public interest in the town’s legislative body has already inspired Coma residents’ fingers to run to social media.
But how do we know this is a serious civics initiative to increase women’s participation in the legislative process and not just an ex-girlfriend employment effort by Councilman and Hug Club creator Jax Owen? Let’s review some key facts:
1) Nothing builds civic pride more than young women’s strenuous exertions, according to Mayor Anderson. That’s why the Town Council will limit eligibility to adult women with cheerleading, dance or Jazzercize experience.
2) As the Prancing Elites showed the world, a classic name inspires the voting public. That’s why the Town Council designated the cheer squad with the empowering name “The Govern Girlz!“
3) But what about the environmental impact? Don’t worry, Councilman Jax Owen has suggested reducing, reusing and recycling unsold Halloween costumes from Bob’s Mart. “We could match the uniforms to the chief legislative issue that week,” Owen said. “Naughty nurse uniforms for the hospital bond vote, hypothetically.”
This nurse is not naughty. She’s actually works for Dr. Jimmy’s office. She does not dance.
4) Yes, half of the audience bench seats will be removed from the Council chamber. “It’d be hard for these ladies to work up much of a legislative sweat–while inspiring our youth to stay active–if they don’t have room to move, so dumping half our public seating capacity was a no-brainer,” Anderson said.
5) New public outreach. The Council plans to bypass the traditional journalists by offering exclusive interviews to the Govern Girlz, who will distribute them to Coma residents online. Not online? Time to buy a computer and join these women!
6) Changes possible. The mayor and Owen agree the last-minute dancer initiative could evolve when the Council’s lone female member, Natalie Peters, returns from an overseas vacation next week.
“I’m sure Natalie will feel both surprised and empowered by the Governing Girlz,” Mayor Anderson said. “I know our initiative fills this member with pride!”
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