There’s a new animal threat in Coma but there’s no cage that can contain it.
The animal in question is the “bird” unleashed on unsuspecting residents by an unknown local teen driver.
“I was driving through town last week and this car starts honking its horn and flashing its lights and so I pulled over and let them pass,” said Stan Bargemeyer, a local senior citizen. “Then I see it’s this young lady and she’s giving me the you-know-what finger.”
At least four residents have reported that a young female driver in a yellow or tan, older sedan has similarly given them the vulgar gesture.
“I was walking my bulldog, George Foreman, when I heard a ‘honk’ and when I looked up all I saw was this angry face and that finger,” Marlee Baumgartner said.
The identity of the serial vulgarian was not known but Coma Sheriff Paul T. Frostnib urged residents not to take matters into their own hands, if confronted.
“This person is capable of literally anything, I think she’s shown that, so extreme caution is warranted,” Frostnib said.
Meanwhile, some residents are worried what impact the crime spree will have on home values in the once-peaceful town.
“My friend was visiting and that finger waving was the first thing she saw,” said Natalie Peters. “That’s not the kind of greeting she was expecting from my stories about small town life. Someone needs to stop this monster.”
Mayor Dave Anderson was asked what steps the Coma Town Council might take to stop this offender. “We are considering multiple ideas on how to mitigate future bird attacks including driver restraints.” He said. When asked if he meant “restraint” Mayor Anderson replied, “Restraints. Like the ones they use at the Coma Mental Hospital and Yoga Studio.”