By T.S. John, Coma News future reporter
Coma’s first Winter Puppet Show, Wiffle Ball and Hummel Convention at the Coma Expo Center and Grain Elevator will take a violent turn on Saturday when discontented spectators unleash their violent dissatisfaction.
The rioting by more than 50 five- to seven-year-old children will occur during a performance of “Pinocchio” by the Peaceful Puppeteers. The young spectators, many of whom were unsupervised after their parents dropped them off at what was supposed to be a one-hour show with free babysitting, will begin wielding complementary wiffle ball bats at each other and everything around them after the puppets fail to move or speak for 20 minutes, this reporter leaned in a peyote-fueled fever dream.
The disappointing puppet show will be blamed on the puppeteers’ philosophy that they cannot insert their hands or manipulate the strings of their play figures without the puppets ‘auditory approval’.
“I think children of all people will be able to appreciate our effort to gain the permission of these small vulnerable creatures,” said Mayor Dave Anderson, who organized of the puppet troop and poo-pooed the possibility of discontented puppet-viewers rioting.
Coma Sheriff Paul T. Frostnib and his deputies will quickly bring the riot under control when they finally agree to investigate the event after repeatedly hanging up on callers screaming “They’re killing my Hummels!”
The damage will mainly consist of about $500 worth of smashed Hummels and other types of porcelain figurines, although an unspecified amount of candy and sodas also will be looted from the gathered vendors.