Coma residents have taken to social media in recent days to declare 2016 the worst thing to happen in human history.
Why?
Coma News Daily sat down with Dee Collins, a leading local overuser of social media, to ask why she and others have demonized a year.
Coma News: Thanks for taking a few minutes from your furious web postings to talk with us today.
Dee Collins: It is weird to use my smart phone for talking to a real person instead of posting but I’m feeling old fashioned with New Year’s happening, so why not.
CN: So, 2016. Why is a year now seen as so much more horrible than say death camps, cancer, black death, Ebola, grinding poverty, mass murder or anything else?
DC: Well, this year there was a bad, bad election.
CN: So this was the first year your favored candidate lost?
DC: No, but this guy is the worst yet!
CN: Didn’t you say that about the last guy?
DC: Yes, but this time it’s true.
CN: What else?
DC: Some of our most beloved celebrities died! I mean who’s next? Matt Damon?!
CN: Don’t beloved celebrities die every year?
DC: Yes! But George Michael doesn’t die every year! Probably!
CN: So, did any non-celebrity deaths make it the worst year for you? Like friends or family. People you know and care about? Did they have hard times?
DC: I guess people died in town, too, but I’m not really focusing on that right now.
CN: I assume people diagnosed with cancer or some life threatening illness or had a family member die this year would agree 2016 was the worst. Did you get any life-changing diagnoses?
DC: Me? No! And I don’t think I heard about any celebrities getting cancer in 2016 so that’s not really an issue. If it didn’t happen to a millionaire celebrity did it even happen in a way that effects me?
CN: I assume we’re not talking about either local poverty or starvation worldwide making 2016 worse since all that’s going to pretty much continue next year?
DC: Right. I assume every year is the worst for those people. So, not really what I’m talking about. I am talking about people with real pain. I am talking about celebrities that I don’t know.
CN: Speaking of 2017, how’s that looking so far?
DC: Oh, I’m sure it’ll be way worse than 2016. Did Matt Damon make it back from Mars?
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