By Coma News Daily Staff
Coma Mayoral Candidate Russell Stonewall is more than the town’s reigning paving magnate. His millions of dollars of personal wealth and his rough exterior and self-described “rugged, tough-man persona” make him the best candidate for the little people which in his words, “is an all inclusive term”.
“I like birds and I like singing songs that were popular when I was a child and I like eating tomato soup on chilly fall afternoons,” the 59-year old Stonewall said as he adjusted a sharp looking bow tie. “I know I’m pretty intimidating to most people because of my name, but inside I’m like a puppy dog or a turtle.”
Stonewall announced his candidacy three weeks ago and has spent countless hours visiting diners, boutiques, salons and more boutiques that sell hummels and novelty tee shirts to spread the word about how he would help shape Coma’s future.
Stonewall’s platform has been built primarily around the idea of ending the string of bans that have recently overwhelmed many in the community.
Simple decision tree explains the newest ban in Coma.
“I will stop all that horseplay immediately,” Stonewall said. “I want this town to be pretty and happy and fun and a lovely place for people to live. And I want flowers and spontaneous clapping.”
Much of Stonewall’s campaign advertising has focused on his rough childhood and self-reliance, which he said he honed as a young man living on his family’s ranch and attending prep schools back east. But it was the time he spent at Yale that really helped him harden his demeanor and teach him difficult life lessons.
“When I came home for the summer I would spend hours and hours every day watching my dad’s employees pave many of the roads in town,” Stonewall said. “Watching people work really hard and get dirty was an eye-opening experience for me.”
Stonewall has positioned himself as the “people’s candidate” and has promised to reverse the bans and plant more gardens around town.
“I just want this to be a fun place, you know?” he said. “It would be great if we could all get together every Tuesday afternoon and just talk about the latest happenings in professional tennis or exchange baklava recipes. Those are just some suggestions. We can do other stuff too.”
According the the most recent polls, Stonewall currently holds a five point lead over incumbent mayor Dave Anderson. The election will take place on Tuesday, November 5.
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