By Coma News Daily Staff
Pan-House, span-tech and speed-pan may sound like needlessly technical industry jargon–and it definitely is–but those gobby-gook terms are really about one thing: helping people. And business.
Pan-Tech 2015 recently wrapped its annual meeting for panhandling contractors at the Coma Convention Center and Grain Silo.
And Coma residents will be among the first to benefit from the fruits of that convergence of industry thought leaders, innovators, and hangers-on.

TinyTown
For instance, Coma will be the location for the first pan-house mixed use development, which will intersperse 100-square-foot “tiny houses” in the alleys and sidewalks surrounding Coma businesses. These will house contract panhandlers employed by Coma business leader Davis Montgomery III.
“The mixed use vision of worker bees being able to live where they work will finally be realized with this project, which I call Peek-a-boo Village” Montgomery said.

Cor-panning (seen above) is always an option but does not create jobs that projects like Span-Tech propose to do.

New Look
Another Pan-Tech innovation the town can expect to see is the eye-catching look of span-tech. This groundbreaking clothing line has been described as spandex body suits covered in a multitude of pockets, which can hold any denomination of currency or coin.
“Why shouldn’t the pan-pro be as physically active and healthy as the rest of us?” said Natalie Peters, who plans to invest in roving teams of bike riding pan-pros.
This approach aims to take panhandling out of its traditional setting downtown and spread it to suburban neighborhoods and parks.
“Who’s more likely to have quick access to spare cash than the guy watering his lawn or rolling his trash to the curb?” Peters said.

Blinding Speed
Was that The Flash that just passed your car? No, it was a pan-pro.
Another place Coma residents will get to interact with pan-pros are on any area road. Coma Mayor Dave Anderson, who also plans to launch a pan business employing contractors, said his research determined state and local laws allow at-speed panhandling between drivers and cyclists.
“So there will be no need for residents to have to wait for the next traffic light or full stop to indulge their desire to give,” Anderson said. “This all really is about ways we can best serve the customer.”

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By Coma News Daily staff

Creek jumping is not new to Coma. Long before movies like ‘Smokey and the Bandit’ and shows like ‘Dukes of Hazard’ made creek jumping look  amazing the people of Coma used jumps as the only way to “cross a river” and were never trapped by the “use a bridge” option.

Coma Mayor Dave Anderson’s proposed budget would scrap jumps used by most traffic to cross Coma Creek with traditional vehicular bridges.

“Hopefully it makes getting across the creek a nicer experience,” Anderson said in a phone interview. “We are behind on our bridge construction schedule by a few decades so hopefully this money will get that proces back on track.”

Anderson’s budget allocated $1 million for bridge construction and would aim for the state to pick up the remaining $320 million cost of replacing with bridges the Jump for Joy, Jump Up for My Love, and the 21 Jump Street jumps over Coma Creek.

The proposal drew early opposition from Town Councilman Jax Owen.

“How are the people of this town going to know they are alive if they can”t get their car 15 to 20 feet into the air,”Owen said.

Other speakers at Monday’s Town Council meeting raised concerns about the impact on local businesses of scrapping the jumps, which bring an estimated $900,000 in annual tourism and auto repair business to the town.

Stan Bargmeyer, Coma’s historian, worried about the cultural impact of a jumpless Coma.

“For the sake of our children and our children’s’ children don’t take away an important touchstone that has helped bind our community together in terror-filled joy,” Bargmeyer said.

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