Archive for: April 2015

Podcast: The Grape Huts of Wrath

It’s 62 degrees in Coma but don’t worry because tomorrow we’ll be back down to 42. And if it’s springtime in Coma that can only mean one thing: The Town Council is back in session and firing up the ban machine. This is Coma New Daily.


How To Anything: In order to become Boba Fett around the office you will need to find a copy of Star Wars and a pair of motorcycle gloves.

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How To Anything: Build your own calculator

Coma News Daily intern Stan Bargemeyer teaches you how-to anything as a service of Coma News Daily.




Are you tired of calculators that can’t seem to complete even the simplest equation? You don’t have to be a prisoner of the powerful math lobby in Washington DC, anymore! You can make your own calculator at home and rebuild your self-esteem and sense of purpose.

Just follow the simple steps below:

1) Earn a PHD in mathematics with a minor in computer science and/ or engineering from an accredited university.

2) To make a nice case simply carve a nice case from a Hickory stump or wood of your choice.

stump3) To make the plastic buttons you will need to prepare the raw materials and monomers. Then carry out the polymerization reactions. Next process the polymer resins and then simply use the resins to create your buttons!

buttons4) Configure the circuit board using the proper mathematical equations and processes. Be creative.  Stuff the circuits and wiring into the casing.

configure5) Add the buttons and you are done! Enjoy your new calculator!


Pin this easy how to on your pinterest page and share with your friends.


Coma to Lead Pan-Tech Breakthroughs


By Coma News Daily Staff
Pan-House, span-tech and speed-pan may sound like needlessly technical industry jargon–and it definitely is–but those gobby-gook terms are really about one thing: helping people. And business.
Pan-Tech 2015 recently wrapped its annual meeting for panhandling contractors at the Coma Convention Center and Grain Silo.
And Coma residents will be among the first to benefit from the fruits of that convergence of industry thought leaders, innovators, and hangers-on.


For instance, Coma will be the location for the first pan-house mixed use development, which will intersperse 100-square-foot “tiny houses” in the alleys and sidewalks surrounding Coma businesses. These will house contract panhandlers employed by Coma business leader Davis Montgomery III.
“The mixed use vision of worker bees being able to live where they work will finally be realized with this project, which I call Peek-a-boo Village” Montgomery said.


Cor-panning (seen above) is always an option but does not create jobs that projects like Span-Tech propose to do.

New Look
Another Pan-Tech innovation the town can expect to see is the eye-catching look of span-tech. This groundbreaking clothing line has been described as spandex body suits covered in a multitude of pockets, which can hold any denomination of currency or coin.
“Why shouldn’t the pan-pro be as physically active and healthy as the rest of us?” said Natalie Peters, who plans to invest in roving teams of bike riding pan-pros.
This approach aims to take panhandling out of its traditional setting downtown and spread it to suburban neighborhoods and parks.
“Who’s more likely to have quick access to spare cash than the guy watering his lawn or rolling his trash to the curb?” Peters said.

Blinding Speed
Was that The Flash that just passed your car? No, it was a pan-pro.
Another place Coma residents will get to interact with pan-pros are on any area road. Coma Mayor Dave Anderson, who also plans to launch a pan business employing contractors, said his research determined state and local laws allow at-speed panhandling between drivers and cyclists.
“So there will be no need for residents to have to wait for the next traffic light or full stop to indulge their desire to give,” Anderson said. “This all really is about ways we can best serve the customer.”

1902 Coma Moose Carriers


Earl Bargemeyer was not afraid to carry a moose. He was one of the premiere moose carriers of his time.

By Stan Bargemeyer, Coma News Intern


In 1902 The Town of Coma used people like my great grandfather Earl Bargemeyer , who is pictured in this artists illustration, to transport a moose by carrying it around. Moose carrying  fell out of favor in the mid 19th Century as the people of Coma realized that a Moose could walk faster on it’s own. Moose carrying is still practiced in some moose based societies today and by zookeepers.


Did you know?

The popular film ‘Titanic” did not feature any moose even though moose can swim.

Coma Weekly FREECYCLE Digest

Freecycling is when a person passes on, for free, an unwanted item to another person who needs that item. From silverware to mobile homes, people worldwide are choosing to freecycle rather than discard.

[FreecycleCOMA] Wanted: wood patio furniture (chairs or benches) and/or plastic Garden Owl
It’s that time of year again. Time to go outside. The garden owl is the kind that helps frighten other animals/birds from eating vegetables and seeds. I don’t want to go out and buy any of this stuff if you have some patio furniture and a garden owl lying around your house. The furniture should be in good shape. I’ll repaint it but it needs to be in good shape. We will be repainting or staining.  gardenowl
May need to wait until weekend to pick up.  Thank you!

Want to contact the FreecycleComa moderators?  Write to us at townofcoma (at) .
Please always use:

– OFFER: old couch– did not sleep with my ex on it — NO BODILY FLUIDS ON THIS COUCH (Downtown/courthouse/ in a cell/ on top of a mountain)
– TAKEN: old couch strange stains [to be used to withdraw an OFFER for any reason; only to be posted by the member making the OFFER]

– WANTED: stapler or false teeth [Please use this one sparingly]– Cannot be “wanted mate” or “wanted sex” or “wanted a hot chick”
– RECEIVED: stapler or breast implants [to be used to withdraw a WANTED for any reason; only to be posted by the member making the WANTED]

NEED, PPU, REOFFER, RE-OFFER, etc., are not acceptable keywords, and nothing other than the keyword should appear before the item description.


Budget to Bring Traffic Down to Earth

By Coma News Daily staff

Creek jumping is not new. Long before movies like 'Smokey and the Bandit' and shows like 'Dukes of Hazzard' made it look awesome the people of Coma were searching for new ways to "cross a river" that were more inventive than the "use a bridge" conventional option.

Creek jumping is not new to Coma. Long before movies like ‘Smokey and the Bandit’ and shows like ‘Dukes of Hazard’ made creek jumping look  amazing the people of Coma used jumps as the only way to “cross a river” and were never trapped by the “use a bridge” option.

Coma Mayor Dave Anderson’s proposed budget would scrap jumps used by most traffic to cross Coma Creek with traditional vehicular bridges.

“Hopefully it makes getting across the creek a nicer experience,” Anderson said in a phone interview. “We are behind on our bridge construction schedule by a few decades so hopefully this money will get that proces back on track.”

Anderson’s budget allocated $1 million for bridge construction and would aim for the state to pick up the remaining $320 million cost of replacing with bridges the Jump for Joy, Jump Up for My Love, and the 21 Jump Street jumps over Coma Creek.

The proposal drew early opposition from Town Councilman Jax Owen.

“How are the people of this town going to know they are alive if they can”t get their car 15 to 20 feet into the air,”Owen said.

Other speakers at Monday’s Town Council meeting raised concerns about the impact on local businesses of scrapping the jumps, which bring an estimated $900,000 in annual tourism and auto repair business to the town.

Stan Bargmeyer, Coma’s historian, worried about the cultural impact of a jumpless Coma.

“For the sake of our children and our children’s’ children don’t take away an important touchstone that has helped bind our community together in terror-filled joy,” Bargmeyer said.