By Thomas Steven John, future news reporter
A rare tragedy will turn even more depressing Saturday when fire strikes Coma’s home for recently divorced men.
A Place for Those Guys will suffer extensive structural damage–but no injuries–from a fire that will start in a lower storage unit, this reporter has learned in a peyote-fueled fever dream.
The generally middle age residents of the condo complex and assisted living facility will ignore the fire alarms that will sound at around 11:30 a.m. as most sleep off hangovers.
Although the fire will be quickly controlled, firefighters will face their sharpest challenges in removing belligerent drunks from the many smoke-filled and trash-strew man caves in the complex.
“So no one’s going to be hurt? Well, I’m sure it’ll be fine then” Dr. Jimmy, a development resident, said when told of the impending tragedy. “If nothing else, it should at least get this place a new coat of paint.”
The fire, which will be started by an errant cigarette thrown into a paper-filled trash can, will destroy most of the painful mementos of happy times past held in the development’s storage unit, as well as the vast cleaning supply/personal services closet.
“The fire’s gonna burn up the mobile massage table over there?” said Marlee Bumgartner, who works nights as a masseuse in the complex. “It’s probably for the best–you can only take so much.”