July 2014 - Page 2 of 2

townofcoma (at) gmail.com

[FreecycleComa] OFFER: Cough drops

Two larger packages and two smaller packages of Ludens, Halls, and Ricola cough drops, all unopened.

Someone gave them to me when I had a bad cold, which was nice, but I don’t use cough drops, and my cold is long gone.

Note that one package has expiration date of July 1st (although I am sure that cough drops will last well past their expiration date). The other packages expired in December 2008.

In case of multiple interested Freecyclers, let me know why you would enjoy these delicious cough drops. Super bonus points if you can cough via email.

Read my blog for more information on this slide rule.

townofcoma (at) gmail.com

[FreecycleComa] OFFER: slide rule

This slide rule appears to be from the late 1940s.

Please email me at townofcoma (at) gmail.com if interested.

Want to contact the FreecycleComa moderators? Write to us at townofcoma (at) gmail.com .
_________________________________________________________________________
Please always use:

– OFFER: old couch– did not sleep with my ex on it (Downtown/courthouse/ in a cell/ on top of a mountain)
– TAKEN: old couch strange stains [to be used to withdraw an OFFER for any reason; only to be posted by the member making the OFFER]

– WANTED: stapler or false teeth [Please use this one sparingly]
– RECEIVED: stapler [to be used to withdraw a WANTED for any reason; only to be posted by the member making the WANTED]

NEED, PPU, REOFFER, RE-OFFER, etc., are not acceptable keywords, and nothing other than the keyword should appear before the item description.

Self Aware Slide Rule to Freecycle

Jul. 07 Living no comments

The following is one in a series of intermittent excerpts from Coma residents’ blogs published by Coma News as a community service.

This slide rule appears to be from the late 1940s. I was told by a slide rule collector that it is a model SR-109 made by the Roos Company or the Charvoz-Roos Company (which ceased to exist in 1949), and it is in excellent condition for one of their slide rules.

The slide rule has a lot of things it must overcome in modern day society and this banged up case doesn’t make it any easier for the slide rule.

The slide rule has a case, which is not in real great shape and is embarrassing to the slide rule.

Unfortunately I am not a slide rule collector or I would keep this slide rule. If I keep him he will presumably sit in a drawer collecting dust forever in the desk where I keep my computer and calculator.

What’s that- you say you don’t know how to use a slide rule? Well fret not- I am also including the book “Practical Use of the Slide Rule”, by Barnes and Noble, dated 1947. And I guarantee that slide rules still work exactly the same as they did in 1947!

In the unlikely event that there aren’t multiple interested Freecyclers, let me know why you would be the best owner of this fantastic, highly environmental (non-electric-using) computational device.

Disco ‘Blob’ Injures Six

Jul. 04 News no comments

By Coma News Staff
Six Coma residents were treated for minor injuries received during a pre-Fourth of July Coma summer concert series performance.
Trouble began at the disco-themed performance by Save the World, which was the fourth in a summer-long series the band has planned on the Coma Town Commons, when lead singer Dave Anderson fell on the stage while wearing pair of 10-inch platform shoes.

“When the singer fell the other band members and the crew tried to help him up they all started falling on top of each other in a big pile in the middle of the stage,” said Jax Owen, who attended the concert. “Then things started getting really smokey and clothes started flying out into the crowd.”
The “strobe light-emitting smoke ball” began growing and groaning as an auto- disco beat reverberated across the town commons, according to another witness, Dee Collins. Families with young children were the first to flee the scene, followed more slowly by older residents whose walkers and wheelers struggled through the Common’s turf.
Teenagers and a smattering of young adults were inexplicably drawn toward the “amorphous blob of despair” shortly before emergency services personnel arrived.
“What happened in the ‘disco ball’ was a time of exploration and discovery but I’m a little hazy on the details,” said Anderson, who has taken a summer hiatus from his mayoral duties to perform in Save the World. “Am I proud of those events? Well, it was certainly essential to our development as a band and as people.”

It's fun to play at the YMCA until it becomes a giant strobe light of flailing bodies.

It’s fun to stay at the YMCA until it becomes a giant strobe-lit smokey ball of flailing bodies.

“I went to a WARP tour show once and some crazy things happened at night under the stars that left you looking for your Vans and feeling kind of dead inside,” said Sadie Cracker who was working at her coffee shop near the Commons where refugees took shelter. “Thank God I grew out of that phase.”

Marybell Davis, 25 years old, Amazing life lived, Awesome blogger of Awesome things

Where in the World Cup: an LOL Detective Mystery

Jul. 02 Sports no comments

The following is one in a series of intermittent excerpts from Coma residents’ blogs published by Coma News as a community service.

My dad doesn’t understand how hard it is to start a business. It takes time. You have to build a reputation. That’s why I just solved my biggest mystery yet: the history of World Cup geography.

People have been asking “Where is Ghana?” “Where is the Netherlands?” “What is a North Korea?”

Imagine we’re at a bar and my beautiful Kate Spade clutch is flanked by a ketchup bottle, vinegar (gross), a knife and a fork. Basically, my amazing embroidered clutch (America) is surrounded on all sides by sticky bar condiments (the world).

Where is North Korea? It’s west of America. Where is Ghana? It’s south of America. Where is England? Its east of America and the vinegar bottle (which they actually put on food).

Is South America south of America? Yes, but Africa also is south of America. Where is North Korea? Trick question: They don’t play soccer!

Now you understand the geography of the World Cup.

Daddy: Get a job, Marybell.
Me: No worries, Daddy. I’m a private dick (still gross). And I am a geography master.

Premature Inflation Pins 14 Workers

Jul. 01 News no comments

By Coma News Staff

An unassuming industrial park on the edge of Coma was the scene of a awkward mishap Monday.

Emergency services responded to an indecipherable 911 text coming from inside the Floatwell Life Vest facility at about 10 a.m. Paramedics arrived to discover a cube of flotation devices that had sprouted twitching arms and legs. Rescuers eventually realized the limbs belonged to a group of Japanese tourists and several employees of the life vest factory.

Coma Sheriff Paul T. Frostnib said he would not speculate about the cause of the accident but he suspected a manufacturing defect caused the rip cord to malfunction on every flotation device inside the building–wedging everyone in the building between life and death.

Inflatable Life Vests Trap Factory Workers

Artist’s Rendering: 10,000 Vests Simultaneously Inflated Trapping Unhappy Workers Inside

Gloria Martinez, who is a petite plant worker and single, believes her thin sexy body is the reason she narrowly escaped.

“I was preparing a co-worker’s termination papers and last meal when the life jackets blew up,” Martinez said. “Luckily, I was able to wiggle and gyrate my way to safety.”

Rescuers freed the employees through a deflation technique known as “harpooning,” which entailed firing a giant harpoon from the Coma Whaling Museum into the buoyant mass.

“There was some small concern that we might nick a few of the workers and tourists in the process, but that was a risk I was willing to take.” said Frostnib. “The only humane thing to do was either address the situation quickly or not at all.”

The back up plan was to flood the entire building with water until the vest blob floated enough to burst through the roof.

Davis Montgomery, owner of the factory, said he and his employees are proud that even their tragedies are made in the USA.